A useful list of dont's:

Never use a squirt gun to moisten a police officer. You will be arrested and jailed with a court date pending. Use a water balloon.

Never attempt suicide by setting fire to yourself. If you live, you will be arrested for arson.

Never store nuclear waste in a shoe box. Even if you're not arrested, it will stink up your clothes.

Never whack a family member in the head with a 5-iron. It will definitely throw your game off.

Never give a yellow-bellied-sapsucker mouth to mouth resuscitation. Bird Flu.