The closest I have ever come to being a '10' is being, forgot-ten.

I suppose I could learn to be content with my lot, if I had a lot.

Young people should be advised that one day they will be as stupid as we are.

Whenever I find myself longing for the good 'ole' days, I turn off my air conditioner.

Having knowledge, is the easiest way to get ahead. The knowledge is; it isn't.

A useful list of dont's:

Never use a squirt gun to moisten a police officer. You will be arrested and jailed with a court date pending. Use a water balloon.

Never attempt suicide by setting fire to yourself. If you live, you will be arrested for arson.

Never store nuclear waste in a shoe box. Even if you're not arrested, it will stink up your clothes.

Never whack a family member in the head with a 5-iron. It will definitely throw your game off.

Never give a yellow-bellied-sapsucker mouth to mouth resuscitation. Bird Flu.

Never store a fresh sponge cake near or in a swollen drainage system.

When driving around a police barricade, smile brightly, hold up your library card, and tell them you must return several books to avoid a late fee. It works every time.

Crossing a roadway that is covered with water, expecially if the water is moving rapidly, is best done in an isolated area.

Flash floods are nature's photo ops for heavy rain.

A one-can-serving of Red Bull is said to increase metabolism and reaction speed. Imagine what Wyatt Earp could have done with two or three.