I had an exciting brush with fame today. Tomorrow we'll get a cut and blow-dry.

No need to feel disenchantment just because the news is full of pirates, thieves, liars, jokers, bandits, bad folks, and dog eating dog. Just be happy.

My doctor asked me to describe my sex drive. I told him what used to be a spectacular shoreline, overlooking a breathtaking Redwood botanical area, has been shut down for resurfacing.

Women are encouraged to become the man they want to marry. I'm still mad at me for not taking out the trash.