Why don't they have an edition of, Chicken Soup for the Chicken's soul?

With all the road rage going on, freeway signs should say, on-rant and off-rant. Warning! This commuter virus is extremely contagious.

According to my web site, I'm some sort of writer. I think.

When someone says they are in limbo...I always think of Chubby Checker.

Do you know the lethal caffeine level is 80-100 cups of coffee in one sitting? I didn't either.

Move your living room furniture often. If you let it stay in one place for any length of time, couches and chairs will plan evil plots against you.

Your driveway is a sacred place. It is bad luck to let a strange car occupy your sacred place.

Never confront a cockroach with a suspicious expression. If they scurry away, you will know it was your expression that has caused their flight.

When driving away negative energies, make them buckle up in the back seat while you chant, "I want to be judged for my unseen intentions." Your problems will soon disappear.

Always keep your pockets free of any flavor pudding.

Rude and abusive people are easy to spot. They most often have a complete lack of manners.

The National Safety Council reported over 173 thousand injuries associated with yard and garden equipment last year. I had no idea that green thumbs are an endangered species.

I hang crystals in front of the lenses of my glasses to focus good energy into my head.

A house without soy sauce is like Gladys Knight without the pips.

When entertaining unwanted guests for dinner, decorate the table with tall candelabras, large flower arrangements and a re-creation of a sailfish made entirely of man made material.

Normally, red is a very lucky color. That is, unless a utility bill turns red before paying it.

In ancient times wind chimes were used to ward off evil spirits. Today we have car alarms.

I have heard that stapling pickled beets in the corners of your house provides good luck as well as offering an interesting conversation piece.