I never did mind the elephant in the room. I have a Phd in Elephantology as well as being a certified elephant trainer.

They say our bodies are our temples. I'm afraid I have been treating mine like a Mud Hut.

Never expose Private Parts to General Public. You will suffer unwanted consequences.

Only be as odd as necessary.

I've been looking for an Mp3 player. What happened to all the Mp1 and Mp2's, did I miss something?

It is quite possible, in a far-off future date, my skull will be a paperweight on some anthropologist's desk with geraniums growing out of it.

God has the greenest thumb of all. He grows backbones.

Sometimes I wonder if God doesn't look down at us, shake his head and shrug then put on his, Bad Child Day cap.

Did you ever get caught joy writing? It's so embarrassing.

I never got to experience that wonderful pink cloud feeling that people often talk about. I'm quite familiar with the mushroom cloud feeling though.

There are actually two types of friends, a caring one will smile and dust off home plate for you...but a real friend will yank you out of the dug out, shove a bat in your hand and carry you up to the plate.

The best recipe for humor starts with a rich laughing stock.