Killer Quotes:

There are some people whom you think badly of because you do not know them, and when you will know them, you will fall into agreement with me that they do not deserve and that they did nothing to suffer your ill-placed sarcasms.
Marquis de Sade

The sportive, knightly battle awakens the best human characteristics. It doesn't separate, but unites the combatants in understanding and respect. He also helps to connect the countries in the spirit of peace. That's why the Olympic Flame should never die.
Adolf Hitler

As the flowers are all made sweeter by the sunshine and the dew, so this old world is made brighter by the lives of folks like you.
Bonnie Parker

The Ford has got ever other car out there skinned and even if my business hasen't been strictly legal it don't hurt eny thing to say what a fine car the V8 is.
Clyde Barrow

Most insecure people need attention. I don't.
Charles Manson

I occupy much of my time in theological studies for which I have a natural inclination.
Cole Younger

A man's gotta make at least one bet a day, else he could be walking around lucky and never know it.
Jim Jones

I don't even know what street Canada is on.
Al Capone

All my life I wanted to be a bank robber. Carry a gun and wear a mask. Now that it's happened I guess I'm just about the best bank robber they ever had. And I sure am happy.
John Dillinger

Now that I look back, I realize that a life predicated on being obedient and taking orders is a very comfortable life indeed. Living in such a way reduces to a minimum one's need to think.
Adolf Eichmann

I'm innocent. I was raped! I hope you get raped! Scumbags of America!
Aileen Wuornos

What's my sign? I'm a Leo, born in the year of the Dragon and my presiding deity, according to Vedic astrology, is Aja Ekapade, a one-footed goat. That just about sums me up.

I just finished taking an online test to determine if I'm right or left brained. Turns out, I'm balanced-brained. I can draw on skills from both hemispheres of my brain equally. The down side is that I can become paralyzed by indecision when the two are competing to solve a problem. And?

My family has decided to celebrate a truly traditional Thanksgiving this year. We are having spit-roasted (turned by hand) Swan, seasoned with Liverwort. Side dishes will include Wild Turky (In a glass), Venison stew, Lobster and mashed remote control. That should take care of watching that pesky football game.

Parades are among the oldest forms of organized celebrations. Why does this frighten me so much?

Last week, another prisoner escaped from the prison near my home. Our hometown newspaper reported that most jailbreaks occur in the kitchen or laundry room. I could have told them that. That's usually where I plan an escape.

It's not a good idea to do facial exercises when sitting next to a police officer at an intersection. Trust me.

I'm trying to come up with a list of some challenging resolutions for the new year. So far, I have...learning sanskrit, making origami figures while blindfolded, getting a ham radio license, reprograming my computer so it will alter the genetics of hackers and building a summer cabin from scraps of lumber scavenged from the local housing project. Well, you certainly can't say I'm listless.

My insurance company sent me a life expectancy chart with my used-up days crossed off. Do you think this is a good marketing technique?

When I was young and stupid, my head was nothing more than a suggestion box.

I do stand-up at the local tanning salon.

I've been waking up in the wee hours with night terrors. I'm convinced that the hospital where I was born mistakenly gave me to the wrong parents. I wish they were alive so I could tell them.

I have an uncanny ability to read minds. Unfortunately, only negative thoughts come through.

Sometimes, when I travel by air, I imagine the crew has strapped on parachutes and bailed out.

Why do they make magnifying mirrors? Aren't we scary enough without exaggerating facial blemishes?