Last week, another prisoner escaped from the prison near my home. Our hometown newspaper reported that most jailbreaks occur in the kitchen or laundry room. I could have told them that. That's usually where I plan an escape.

It's not a good idea to do facial exercises when sitting next to a police officer at an intersection. Trust me.

I'm trying to come up with a list of some challenging resolutions for the new year. So far, I have...learning sanskrit, making origami figures while blindfolded, getting a ham radio license, reprograming my computer so it will alter the genetics of hackers and building a summer cabin from scraps of lumber scavenged from the local housing project. Well, you certainly can't say I'm listless.

My insurance company sent me a life expectancy chart with my used-up days crossed off. Do you think this is a good marketing technique?