Insanity runs in my family...with scissors.

I'm not sure which physical symptom developed first, impaired sweating or exercise intolerance.

In dealing with depression, I recommend using surgical gloves and no wild cards.

Life is not fair...it's fickle. Now, death...death is fair.

Never go to a department store after a weekend sale. The floors are strewn with shopper droppings.

Brutality is a weapon of the witless.

My boss asked me to apply myself to a very important task. I soon found, I was spread too thin.

The five stages of denial:
1. Let's wait to see if it corrects itself.
2. Maybe it's my imagination.
3. No one in my family ever had this problem.
4. It's really not that bad.
5. Let's wait to see if it corrects itself.

I have a law suit pending against the Heartbreak Hotel. I slipped and fell in a puddle of tears.

Physical death is unhealthy for the body.

When you think the world has turned its back on you, give it a sensual massage and a hot wax.