I haven't fallen in love for a very long time. I carefully tip-toe around it.

My mother taught me, only a floozy would wear dangly earrings. Do I believe that? No! Do I wear dangly earrings? Huh-uh.

I do not, I repeat, I do not suffer from hot flashes. It's a heat disorder.

Mood swings? Loss of emotional control? It's just like being a kid again.

Thank God, I've finally lost the thirty pounds my doctor has been nagging me about. This allows a much narrower view of me and my work.

Why would I talk about someone behind their back? It's much more fun when they hear what you're saying.

The word sloth is vulgar, lazy isn't much better. Indolent, however, now there's a classy word that I can feel proud to assign to myself.

I tried to make a list of the ten smartest people I know. For the life of me, I can't think of the other nine.

Some people get under your skin. It's when they get into your bloodstream that you need to start worrying.

I found it's absolutely impossible to stay in a bad mood while you're singing Zippity Doo Dah. Try it.

A rebuttal is what you get when you gain all the weight back that you lost on your Grape Nuts diet.

I know plenty! Just send me $9.95 and I'll be happy to share everything I know with you.

I went dancing with a friend last week-end. We ran into some real Barbarians, beer-battered, wine-stained and decorated with the skins of many cocktail peanuts.

I finally found a soft shoulder to cry on. It's on Interstate 10, about a mile and a half west of Blythe.

Stored properly, anger will stay crisp and fresh years after it's been bared.

I came off a shopping spree last week, and my wallet is still wheezing.

I went to a Chinese hypnotist to overcome shyness. It didn't work. I couldn't stop laughing as he said, "You are glowing velly, velly, sreepy."

I'm a drifter, and I've been in this town too long. I think it's nigh onto 28 years.