When God created us, he had LoJack installed. That's how he always knows where we are.

I used to think a Thesaurus was a prehistoric beast, that is until I thought of another word for it.

Resist the temptation to turn God into a divine bellboy.

I've recently noticed that my breasts have lowered themselves several inches down my chest in an attempt to escape the chore of attracting men.

I took a couple of self-defense courses at Pepperdine. Now all I have to do is provoke someone so I can try out my skills.

I hate it when Hummers park in compact spots. My car fits perfectly in the tire treads.